In the Middle of the Storm

Hey everyone,

I am in the home stretch of my first semester at GCTS and to say the least I have a lot on my plate. I just wanted to update you all and ask for your prayers.

My roommate asked to me the other day, "How do you eat an elephant?" I didn't know the answer. "One bite at a time," he responded. This is how I feel right now. I have a giant elephant that must eat and I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by the task at hand. This is escalated by some family issues at home, specifically in regards to computers.

The other sunday, we sang "Your Beloved" and I felt quite moved by the one line "Unashamed to call me Your own." It's crazy that God would be unashamed to associate with us, at least with me. I'm inconsistent, prideful, and a whole lot of other things that aren't so great. Yet, God is proud to call us His.

This means so much to me right now in this moment because as I am trying to devour this figurative jumbo, I am feeling my self-worth slip. But I'm trying to cling to God and find peace in Him.

So please pray:

• that I will remember God loves me whether I get an A or an F in my classes
• that I will handle my family situations with grace and love
• that I will focus on finishing the tasks at hand and that I will do that by God's power and not my own

Thanks,

c@s

Thanksgiving

This past Wed. in chapel, we studied the concept of thankfulness from the lens of Ephesians 5:19-20. Let's look.

Eph. 5:19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

He presented that thanksgiving and gratefulness should be the main parts of Christian faith/life and began by contrasting Christian thankfulness and standard human-powered thankfulness.

Human-powered thankfulness usually sounds like "just give thanks" or "see the silver lining" and honestly these mentalities can work. I can keep thinking positively and I can be a more grateful person but frankly it cannot be kept up for very long. Thankfulness that relies on our own willpower fails very quickly, as I'm sure many of us have seen. This is because, as the preacher said, ungratefulness is a state of being. At our core, we do not default to giving thanks to others, but are more likely to give blame and take credit. Isn't this how some of us react to God when things don't turn out our way?

Christian thankfulness, on the other hand, has Christ as its source. Our ability to be thankful always and for all things comes from our Lord Jesus Christ alone and it starts with a realization of our inability to do so on our own. We are powerless against this sinful nature. It's like ungrateful children anonymous. "Hi my name is Calvin and I am perpetually ungrateful." ("Hi, Calvin.")

This made me reflect on why is it that we as Christians dislike saying grace so much or praying around others at all for that matter. Maybe it is something about praying in public. Some say we fear that other people will judge the way we pray or that we'll say the wrong words. These might seem like valid reasons, but I wonder if its really something else.

Is it because we are not thankful enough? or Do we not realize how thankful we should be? I think for many of us, this could be the case.

To expand on one of the preacher's examples: If I was shipwrecked and the coast guard came and picked me out of the water, saving me from my death, I would be thankful. I would probably say thanks, soaked, exhausted, and ineloquently. I would not care how I looked or sounded. I'm not going to not thank them because I haven't written this beautifully flowing sonnet of praise. I'm going to just give thanks from the bottom of my heart because this person saved my life and without them I would be dead.

Considering this, how much more thankful should we be to the God that pulled us from death of drowning in the sea of our own sin?

I think perhaps many of us who claim to be Christians think our situations before we were save weren't so dire. If we're right then what do I really need to thank God for? When He gives me a good test score? When He gets me a free parking spot in Boston? Praise be to God!

Unfortunately, that's just not the case and the danger with this mentality is when we hold it, we build our lives around our merit and ourselves and not around God. If this is true, then it makes perfect sense why our image and reputation are preventing us from sharing about God's blessings. We think a good prayer needs to be eloquent, full of theological terms, and poetic because if it doesn't we are somehow less of a Christian or less spiritual. But I think God would be just as satisfied if we prayed like a shipwreck survivor and saying, "Thank you! thank you! thank you! thank you! thank you! thank you! thank you! In Jesus name I pray." He might even be more satisfied if these words reflect a truly grateful heart opposed to a well-rehearsed statement.

Let us really search ourselves and ask, "Who's opinion is preventing me from speaking to others with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs? What aspect of my self-centeredness is holding me back from always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ?"

So as Thanksgiving begins to roll around, let us seriously reflect on everything that God has done and truly give thanks to Him for it all. Hopefully we can praise God with others and maybe, just maybe, we will volunteer to say grace.

Sorry for the lack of posting!!

Man! I apologize to those who normally read this blog. I have been so busy it's been nuts, but it's that kind of good busy! I have like ... 20 posts in development and I will work on fleshing them out. Just know that all is well! Praise be to God for that!

Thanks for still caring!

c@s

Plug: Help GCTS out when you shop for books and resources!

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to let y'all know that if you're thinking about buying any Christian books, games, music, resources, etc. please consider going to http://gcts.christianbook.com/ because as some of you may know our school is feeling the weight of these current economic times as well and if you shop at this site our school will get a small portion back of all sales. Pretty cool, right?

Oh and their prices are pretty comparable to other websites too, plus you're helping us out.

Anyway, thanks for listening to this shameless plug.

Peace,

c@s

Elohim/Imago Dei

Recently, I had a seminar for the Partnership program I am in. The presenter had much to say about stewardship, but the element of his presentation that stood out the most was the concept of how we view Jesus. 'earmenow!

He questioned us about how we saw God. Do we see God as this "angry powerful tyrant waiting to punish us when we mess up" or do we see Him as this "weak insignificant, powerless and distant God" that is "uninvolved with the nitty gritty of life?" In many cases, these are the views we have of God, but I think clearly these are not accurate portrayals of who God is. He went on to talk about how these images we hold will add additional bumps in the road to being effective pastors. If we do not recover healthy images of God in our minds, we will seriously impede our ability to reach the people we are to serve. Once we have done that, we can then help our congregations recover proper images of God too.

This struck me because I don't think we reflect about how we see God often. In our minds and with our mouths we can say, "God is generous" or "God is faithful," but in our hearts we might think otherwise. When hard times come and when logic fails us, do we think God will provide or that God is in control? I think for many of us, we don't. I think that this means we as Christians must really think and develop a healthy view of God. So, what's that look like? Well, I can't speak on all the elements, but there was one main attribute that he felt was most important. He said our images of God should view Him as a generous God. We have a God who gives generously. "It is intrinsic to His nature. He enjoys [giving]!"

Perhaps you're asking, "But if God is so generous, why do I have to suffer or why do I need to struggle?" I have actually had a number conversations recently that talked about this and I didn't even realize (oops.), but in retrospect I have gone back to this idea of how do we see God? Can we trust His plan for our lives? I think the answer is yes, it is safe to say that God wants us to feel the love, joy and peace of knowing Him better. This does not mean that we won't face hard times and won't bear great burdens, but to overcome them, we must look to God and remember that He will do what is best for us and His glory. At the risk of sounding pretentious I am going to quote Augustine's Confessions to display what I am trying to say because I like the sentiment.

"Our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee"- Augustine

I think this concept is solidified in Matt 11:28-30 which says,

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Maybe I'm oversimplifying it. I don't know, but I think this is what I need to hear when the chips are down in my life. I hope that we will all grow in our reliance and trust in God. If we don't we will not know peace. If He has already saved us from the GIANT problem of our sin, how much more will he save us from the comparatively small problems we face?

A Video I Saw in Class

Just wanted to share a video I saw in class, while I am developing my next post. I have heard about and seen him before, but I thought this was pretty moving and thought-provoking. What did you think about it?

Official update #4

Calvin, called by the will of God to be at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in South Hamilton. Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

To my support team that is in Massachusetts... I mean....


Hi (they really don't write letters like they used to eh?),


How's everyone doing? I hope well!

So I've been at Gordon Conwell for one month and I have read many pages, memorized many greek words, and thought a lot of ... well thoughts. Oh, you'd like to hear some? Sure, that sounds good!

First of all, I have had to make many adjustments. Despite this, going from work life to full-time graduate studies has not been that difficult of a transition for me. I feel like the subject matter is quite enriching. I find it is expanding the skill set that will be used in my future ministries. In fact, I think Greek is fun. What? Yeah, you heard right. I'm befuddled too.

Adjusting my personal life has been a bit more difficult though. It's hard not to see Lindsey, my friends, and family as often as I was accustomed to. It's hard to not feel like I am missing out on the building of relationships while I am here. I know that they(you) are praying for me, so I know that I am not forgotten. Thankfully, I have been meeting new people here at GCTS. I seem to have found a group of friends, but everyone is pretty friendly up here.

I get along with both of my roommates. One is from St. Louis, MO (Zach) and the other is from Charlotte, NC (Chaz). Note the exact same letters in their names. I have wanted to call one the other on a number of occasions. I share a room with Zach and a suite with Chaz. I have really appreciated hearing about their church backgrounds, along with many others'. It's so fascinating how differently people worship God.

That is one of the great things about being here, I can learn so much about the other parts of the body by engaging in meaningful (and not so meaningful) conversations. There are many differences even amongst us Christians and its hard to see that sometimes when you are focused on serving/attending a specific church. I am happy that I am able to intentionally engage different cultures through the lens of my faith more. Some people have served in churches all over the country and some are from outside of the country. Some are conservative and some are liberal. Almost all of them like to debate though. haha just kidding. Sort of. I'm waiting until next year or year three for when the really heated battles ensue. The most heated battle I've seen to date was a substitutionary atonement vs Christus victor one. Stayed up til almost 5am with that one.

It makes me think about how I will develop in my theology and as a minister. Will I debate with someone for hours upon hours? Will I be able to defend my stances with ninja-like speed and precision? Or will I simply know what I know and share when I share? I'm not sure and honestly am not as concerned about my debating skills as I am my pastoring ones, though they overlap. I wonder if I will be a strong positive example or a strong negative example. Or maybe I'll be in the middle. Sometimes I think of being great for God, pushing the limit, bringing multitudes of people to Christ and leading my congregation to live on fire for Him, but honestly I'd be happy(er?) being a humble and faithful pastor to the flock God has given me.

I feel blessed to have BCEC as the church I grew up in for many reasons that I did not realize until starting here. I have had a pretty solid base of theological training, despite never studying theology deliberately. There have also been so many people supporting me in my decision to go to seminary. It is also really beneficial having a home church. I don't have to hop around to find one to ask for an internship. It's pretty awesome. Praise God for small/large favors.

I want to leave you with something that I have been finding comfort in. At chapel last week we were looking at Psalm 73 and verse 26 really stuck out to me.

Psa. 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

How amazing is that? Though my flesh and heart will fail (and don't they always?), I will still be strong because of God. This is not what I'm accustomed. Failure usually equates weakness. You fail you are weak and this would still be the case, but because we have such an amazing God, that when we are weak, we are strong. (What up, 2Cor 12?) Think about that. Like really think about it. Maybe I'm not fully fleshing out the verse or properly exegeting it but that sounds like a pretty incredible God to me. We would've never thought of that.

Anyway all that is to say I will struggle and fail, but God will sustain and provide for me and that is quite reassuring. But that doesn't mean I don't need prayer! haha! Here are some ways you can pray for me. Don't forget to tell me ways to pray for you too!

Pray that:
I continue grow in my faith and love of God and His Word
I build a strong foundation of biblical principles and continue working to become a man of great integrity
I can find the right balance between social/personal life and studies
I will grow in my heart to lead through service
I stay healthy, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically (no seminary 17)
That you will be blessed through your prayers and support of me here!


In Christ,



Calvin

PS. follow my blog at calvin-at-seminary.blogspot.com/ for more up to the minute updates.

First Lesson Ever Review

Ok I've listened to it once.

I felt I did ok. I stuttered and stammered a bit. I walked around the room a lot. Some of these are my quirks and some of these are reactions to nervousness.

It wasn't as interactive as I'd like it to be. I don't know if people were tracking, but silently thinking about what I was saying or if they were bored to silence. I hope its the former because I do believe what I was teaching and think it is so important to hear, but the latter is quite possible. I think my strength was speaking anecdotically. I think thats because I think and express myself best in analogies. I just need to tie it back into the lesson at hand better.

Anyway, here it is.

http://blog.karenoch.com/trellis/#will It's under God's Will (Fall 2009) - My Lesson is called the State of the Search for God's Will. Audio is my voice. Handout is my worksheet.

Any constructive criticisms are welcomed.

Thanks

First lesson ever preview

So my first step into the world of teaching is not complete. Did I step well? Did I slip? Did I step in some poop? I think the easy answer is, yes.

I haven't had a chance to listen to myself yet, but I wanted to get a few thoughts down about how I feel before I review my lesson and inevitably beat myself up. In a good way.

I really appreciated all the people who stopped to give me a word on encouragement. Whenever I feel like I didn't do great and people tell me I did, I always have slight doubt of their truthfulness. I know that's wrong and I'm working on it. I do think they are genuine in their comments and meant what they said though. I'm sure it wasn't terrible, but I think I'm really focused on improvement and because of that I am only seeing the areas of growth. I guess I should stop and recognize the task I have completed and praise God for getting me through. Hold on. I'll be right back.......ok back. It essentially needs to come back to God. I can work to improve my teaching skills on my own and they may improve, but I need to humble myself and remember I am doing God's will by teaching about ... well for now, God's will.

I've been reading Proverbs and there were a couple verses that stuck out to me pertaining to wisdom/teaching and felt related to today.

Proverbs 9:10

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Proverbs 15:31-33

³¹ He who listens to a life-giving rebuke

will be at home among the wise.

³² He who ignores discipline despises himself,
but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.

³³ The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom,
and humility comes before honor,

I found it interesting that both talked about fear of the Lord is the gateway to wisdom. I also appreciated hearing about humility coming before honor. I think that fits in well with my last post about how in the past I wanted to put honor before humility. It's a reminder that I'm not done being humbled now that I'm teaching. If anything I need to humble myself more.

Normally rebuke and discipline don't inspire great thoughts in many people's minds, but these verses bring me some relief because they're reminders that I won't get better until I am humbled. I know that I need to be taught how to be better and much of that will probably come from someone other than me. I have to "heed correction" so that I can "gain understanding" and improve. I mean I don't love failure and criticism is always hard to hear, but they are so necessary for progress. It's like that old adage: you can't teach a lesson without breaking some eggs...or is it you can't make an omelet without writing a lesson plan? Either way, I've got a long way to go.

Let the task of listening to myself and beating myself up begin. I'll report back after I've listened and reflected.

First. Lesson. Ever.

Tomorrow I will give my first lesson ever, in trellis. It's an odd place to be because in a lot of ways I have thought about my natural abilities to teach for so long, but I understand better how I have so far to go.

When I was younger, I'd think, "Yeah, I could totally teach." I'd really think about how funny I was (which I wasn't.) and how smart I was (which I definitely wasn't.) It was like the world needed to hear from Calvin. Can you say self-serving visions of grandeur? Thankfully I was not given too many venues to address the masses, though I did feel like it my right to speak out and disrupt in sunday school classes. Slowly I began losing interest, finding my fix of attention elsewhere.

I think one of the biggest reasons I did not think about going to seminary sooner is not because I hadn't thought about it, in fact I thought about it a lot and for a long time. It's because I needed to be knocked down a peg. Or two. Or five. Basically I needed to get the right perspective in terms of my desire to serve God, as in not self-service. It took a number of years to eat all that humble pie, but I got my fill. When I was finally ready, I did feel much excitement, but a part of me began the process with a bit of doubt. Not because I wasn't sure, but because I didn't feel ready. It was almost like I preferred to go when I had everything in order and when I was a seasoned vet, but alas that was not the case. (Ironically I will speak on God's will tomorrow and what I felt is what many people feel. I may link to a podcast of my lesson so you can criticize me... constructively of course.)

Despite not feeling ready, I think that was the right attitude for me because I knew I wasn't choosing me because honestly ... who would? But it was God choosing me and that was the exciting part; knowing that He'd give me exactly what I need. I think its hard to choose a life of a full-time minister. From what I hear it can be a hard life. Not only will everything about your life be judged (see my previous post on family life and elders.), but you will be judged harder. But at the same time there is great joy in being chosen to teach. I've run off into a rabbit hole. Let me pull us out.

All this to say, it feels like I know so little about teaching. I really feel humbled and know that I am a baby preacher. I know that I will make stinky messes in my preaching pants (not literally...hopefully), but that's ok because (hopefully) my perspectives have changed from being focused on me to being focused on God, truth, and my audience's growth. I'm ok with looking bad as long as God looks good...unless my looking bad is heresy. That is a no-no.

Let's be honest, I could be funny or witty on any platform (for-humors-sake.blogspot.com) but I want my words to matter and I want those words to change lives. I want God to give me the right words that break hearts and lift spirits simultaneously. I want people to leave a sermon or a lesson I teach and for them to go, "I don't remember what that guy's name was, but man, that was full of insight." I'd like to be great but for God. So much so that God' would be remembered and I'd be forgotten.

Be warned, I'm saying this now, but even as I typed that last sentence, I felt the desire to not wish for such things. I know that my big head (literal and figurative) will get puffed up (even more?!) I'll think, "Hey, I'm awesome," and sing praises to myself. Hopefully, I'll be kept in check when it happens. If you see me being arrogant, please kindly and lovingly rebuke me.

Else, keep praying for me. I need it. I still look at myself and wonder ... how am I doing this? God, that's how. Hallelujah!

Reflection

Sorry for the all-over-the-place-ness of this post I began drafting this post two Sundays ago, but did not get a chance to work on it and fully develop my thought. After chapel last Wednesday, I added new insight. Now, one week later my thoughts have reached critical mass. Here, let me show you.

At church, we are in a sermon series about Titus. two weeks ago, our pastor preached about elders. (Titus 1:5-9)

Initially, this might not seem as relevant to the general church population, but I think its clear how important it is to inform God's people on the pre-requisites for leadership, not just for those who would want to be elders, but for everyone. We should be able to hold our leaders to the proper standard. If we don't know what that standard is then we might follow a wolf in sheep's clothing as it were and we've all aware of the effects of that. As if that insight wasn't enough, the sermon spoke to me in an additional way, namely because I am in seminary training to become a pastor, a leader of the church.

The requirements of elders are very high and I won't go into all of them here, but I will point out the ones that really stuck out to me. Titus 1:6 talks about being a husband of one wife (having the spirit of fidelity), having children who believe and not having the charge of debauchery or insubordination. Basically a requirement of elders is having an upright family.

It certainly adds weight onto my shoulders and it feels like a load I will not be able to lift.

Frankly, I do not come from a great family background. I feel my parents did the best they thought they could, but I have many flaws in my view of family and have fear of repeating the mistakes of the past. I worry that if I have children I'll be a poor father and not be a positive presence in their lives. I worry that they won't believe in God and put their faith in Jesus and that will fall to me. I worry that I will be a poor husband neglecting my wife's needs.

This in of itself is a difficult situation, but to compound it, according to this passage it would also mean that I was not fit to be an elder. While this would be a secondary concern to the welfare of my family, it is a close second. I am about to spend the next three years of my life and x amount of dollars for this education because I am called to be a pastor and if how I led my family would disqualify me from that calling, I think I would be rather confused, maybe angry too. What would it mean for my life from there?

That's where last wednesday's chapel comes in.

We heard a message from Psalm 73 and when reading it, v. 26 really stuck out to me in regards to my initial thoughts about my concerns about my leadership. Here's the verse:

v26: my flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Maybe I will fail. Maybe my family will be a major struggle in my life, but in light of this verse I feel more prepared knowing God is my strength and portion despite who I am. It doesn't mean, however, that I will not work on them. I don't think it is an excuse to be lazy, but it does remind me that if I rely on God's strength I will be made strong. Doing that is a whole other story.

Don't you agree?

Prayer support

Hello everyone,

Thanks for checking in on my blog! It's been really busy here and I am processing an number of different writings right now, but haven't got the chance to clean them up and get them out of my head, but I did want to let you guys know about if you were interested in praying for me while I'm here.

If you are interested in praying for me and getting my prayer letter updates in the mail monthly you can let me know your address and I will add you to my prayer team! if you don't have my email you can leave me a message expressing you need my email address.

Just so you know, my monthly updates are posted up here as "official updates" but if you like getting it in the mail feel free to drop me you address. :)

ok back to work.

peace,

calvin

learning to love God more

After I got back from my first church history class today and I felt full of so many thoughts; here are some.

First of all, the prof is very cool. I like her style of teaching. She broke down the structure of all stories (stasis, catalystic event, opposition, crisis, climax resolution) and talked about it was something ingrained in us as humans by the greatest Author of the greatest Story, God. She explained how this archetype fits the story of God and His church.

To be honest, I've heard the breakdown of stories before in english/writing courses throughout my life, but I don't think I thought about it AS deeply in the context of the Gospel as I just have. She talked about how no author would knowingly enter their own story if they knew they would die and suffer in it. Its like if Emma Thompson's character in Stranger than Fiction, wrote into her story that she would push Will Ferrell's character out of the way and be killed by the bus herself. That just wouldn't happen, yet, God did that very thing. He entered his story as a man, Jesus Christ, into time and space, fully aware of that He would die. To express this, the prof showed this clip from Life is Beautiful. I've never seen this movie before, so I didn't know what was going to happen.

Anyway, in this clip the father and son have been arrested and are being moved to a concentration camp, while the mother is away. When the mother comes back to see that her husband and son are gone she goes to the train station where her family is to try to get them back. When she arrives she speaks to the head nazi officer and says, "There's been a mistake, my husband and son are on that train." He confirms to her that there has been no mistake in putting them on the train and tells her to go home (she's not Jewish). Then, she says to the officer, "I want to get on that train," as the train begins to pull away. At first, he ignores her, but after she insists, he stops the train, gets two guards to open up a traincar and fulfills her request . She gets onto that train, knowing that she is going to face pain, suffering and (most likely) death.

After watching this clip, some people began to tear up. The professor began to make the connection to the Gospel and she too got a little choked up. Honestly, I want that. I want to be so enamored with what God has done for me personally and for the world, that I cannot help but have to take a brief moment to gather myself. Not for the sake of saying I have that or looking more spiritual like a pharisee, but to be able to have so deep a love of God and so full an understanding of His work, that I can say I know Him like I know a close friend. To know Him so well that I'd be so moved when thinking about how much suffering He went through for someone as meaningless as me. Yeah, I want that and the reason I don't is because I don't love God as much as I should. So, I think one of my goals here is to learn to love God more.

I hope that you will join me in this journey as well. It'd be such a blessing to be able to say after three-ish years that you and I loved God more than that day than the day you read this post. That's my prayer for you and for me.

Week 1

Fall is back in the air after a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I do love the briskness of fall.

So, nothing is 100% clear to me, but after my first week at seminary, I feel like I belong. It will be difficult at times and feelings of doubt will arise. In fact, there have already been a few rough moments, but despite a couple of bumps, I feel at home here. I can already see where I might be able to minister to others here and in what ways I can learn from them as well and that is very exciting.

I'm learning many new things here, which I suppose is a good thing as I'm paying a decent amount and I'd like to maximize my learning. Here are some insights I've come to.

• I'm incredibly slow at reading: I already knew this, but being here has been a refresher course in this reality.
• There is such diversity amongst just Christians, never mind everyone else. It's mostly Caucasian and Korean folks here, but in terms of theology, and beliefs of "debatable matters" it certainly runs the gamut.
• I am really blessed to have come from BCEC. More on this in another post and probably with some more time.

Needless to say, it's been a change from what I've been used to.

Anyway, I want to give you a view of my life at GCTS. My roommates are cool. We live in a suite with a double in which I share and my third roommate is in a single. We're pretty different and I am excited to see what their church experiences were/are like and how God led them to pursuing a career in full-time ministry. I look forward to getting to know them better as the year progresses and hopefully we will grow together and understand better how God works in all people, if only in a sample size of three.

Moving along, I've gotten a number of comments about my name over the past seven days. It has looked like this:

"Hi my name is ____. Whats yours?"

"Calvin"

"That's a good name for seminary" or "like John Calvin?" or "are you Korean?" (happened once, I think they thought my name was from John Calvin and that I was from a Christian Korean family...which are quite prevalent, if you didn't notice.)

my response is usually

"you know, I've gotten more comments about my name and John Calvin here than anywhere else." or "no, I'm named after Calvin Klein." or "no, I'm not Korean."

I've never thought about my name in relation to the theologian, just jean and comic books usually...oddly that seems to explain a lot.

Finally, in my description of this blog I wrote, "To document my experience at GCTS and ultimately (hopefully) point you to Christ's work in my life." I wanted to flesh this out a bit so you can better understand what I'm trying to do and how I'm trying to do it.

I am starting the first of three(-ish?) years of immersive academic training for my life as a pastor and I want to document where I was during these years. I want to look back and see God working in the minute details of my life. I am confident that I will encounter things here that will make more sense in the future and I want to be able to reminisce and praise God for His faithfulness and brilliance.

But, this blog is not just for me (or else I would have made a private blog or not told any of you this address.) I want you to be able to see what I'm going through so that you can pray for me and praise God alongside me. If you know me, you know that I have a hard time filtering myself (I'm working on it), so to be honest my posts will probably be fairly personal. I hope that you will not take advantage of my trust.

Anyway, just so you know: My posts will consist of random thoughts, processed reporting, prayers for me to remember, and anything else I may come across in my time here. I invite you to leave comments, encouragement, rebuttals, admonishment, love, etc. and with these, we will hopefully be better and definitely be able to praise God together.

Peace.

Monday Morning Prayer

Father God,

I thank You once again for this opportunity to study Your Word. Lord, I am far from the most intelligent Christian in the world, so while sometimes I do not understand it, I thank You for calling me to Gordon-Conwell. As I begin my first day, I pray that You will remind me of Your strength and of my weakness so I will always be operating off Your provision and power. Search my heart, God, and reveal to me any self-serving motives and keep me grounded in Your Word. I pray for mental astuteness and that I will not be intimidated by my classes. I hope my actions while here will bring glory to Your name, in and outside of the classroom. I pray that you will continue making me into a man of integrity and a better example of Your love on this earth, if only just slightly better than I was before. Thank You again for your faithfulness in my life.

In Christ's name,

Amen

first day

As my first day comes to a close, I wanted to jot down some thoughts to remember what I've heard/learned in my first 24 hours.

I am probably young compared to the overall age of the incoming class, but I feel older than many of my peers. It seems like a lot are fresh out of undergrad and that's cool. I feel like they will do well because many of them studied the bible/religion for the past few years.

In one of my updates, I mentioned feeling intimidated by that and in some ways I am, but I also have a stronger sense of how God has led me here. In the morning session, many of the professors talked about engaging the current culture ("think theologically, engage globally, live christianly") , to bring our heart to the classroom as well as our minds, and to connect both with our hands when we minister. I feel like God has brought my to this point where I know exactly what they are talking about.

A huge part of my decision to go to seminary was based on needing to be better equipped to engage the world with the Gospel. I feel like I can be relevant, but not necessarily with the Gospel. It seems like GCTS will be a place where I will be trained for that. Very cool.

Another part of how God has led me to the decision to attend seminary is because in my ministries I had the heart for His people, but not the mind. Not that I was mindless, but intellectually and academically, I am ill-prepared for the effective ministry I feel called to do. GCTS also seems like it might be good for this too.

Then, there was this concept of connecting the mind, heart and hands, bringing all three to the table and how it is not a complete view of the Gospel without all three. Being able to exegete, do hermeneutics, etc is very important, but it is not as valuable without the heart for people. If you do both of these, this is great, but it is not as valuable without getting your hands dirty for God. This is what I want to be; a smart, big-hearted, filthy-handed, man. Like Jesus.

Pretty good for a first day no?

So it begins.

It has taken me a really long time to complete this post because to be honest I didn't want my first post to be an unplanned stream-of-conscious, though if you follow this blog you'll definitely get a healthy dose of that.

After many years of avoidance, I am finally starting seminary. Initially I thought I could delay going, or that it was a phase that would pass. After retracing my steps in life, however, I can see that in many ways, I was built for this life. From mediocrity in potential-careers-turned-hobbies to disapproved condo purchases, I can see how all my successes and failures have led to this.

Sometimes I look at facebook and I see old friends and wonder about this decision. They seem to be making "good" money and doing "cool" things and I wonder, "what if i was that way" or "why couldn't that have be me?" Seems reasonable right? But honestly, if i was even slightly different, I'd be completely different. It's like this: if i were _____er or ____er or whatever I wouldn't be exactly who I am, equipped in this specific way, for this particular call...if that makes sense. So, to be honest it's reassuring. What I dont quite know yet is what life will look like after seminary.

Over the quarter century that I've existed, I've heard whispers about what God has in store for me and I'm anxious to see what's next. I see the potential for destruction, but I am also excited about the potential for good. Now I just need to do my part to fulfill that potential for good. What/how I do in seminary will have a direct affect on my future ministry work. So it begins: My life as a seminarian.

Official Update #3

Greetings! Thanks again for your support! Can't stress it enough.

Recently, I've been thinking about my potential. If you've known me for long enough, you know in my youth I was a mix of potential and tomfoolery...shenanigans even. Perhaps you even interceded many times because you saw I was more than meets the eye. (Thanks for that) My concerns are of squandering opportunities to grow and never fully reaching what God has for me. Like Luke says, "to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more."

I know that He's been faithful thus far, so I should not worry, but I also know and fear my flesh. Will I grow to be a man after God's own heart or will my disruption of His will for my life lead me down a different path? Please pray for me that I will be fully aware of the battle within, that I am constantly checking myself for wrong motives, and that I will be focused on Him so I can be a more useful tool in His hands.

Official Update #2

Good day to you all!
This is my second update, but if this is your first, welcome! and thank you for your generosity in time and/or money. It's such a blessing to have so many people literally investing in my future. Being Chinese, I pray that God will really sharpen me in seminary so you get the most bang for your buck. :) But seriously, I'm very excited about school and the growth I will experience while there.

It has been interesting to see how my co-workers respond when they find out I'm leaving to become a pastor. It ranges from "Oh WOW! That's so cool!" to "oh...interesting." Despite the mixed reaction, it's been encouraging that some folks at work have said they can see that ministry would be a good fit for me.

Want to hear more of my words? Me neither, but if you get bored enough, you can read my blog at calvin-at-seminary.blogspot.com. Go there to read more about my life and my experiences as it pertains to seminary.
Thanks again for your support. :)
Peace, Calvin

Official Update #1

Dear Friends,
First of all, thank you for your support. Your prayers are really what will sustain me and I am very excited about keeping you informed about my highs and lows over the next three years. As I am preparing for my first year at Gordon Conwell, I am beginning to realize how different my life will be. Initially, everything sort of felt distant and surreal, but as I am only a couple months away, reality is starting to sink in...I'm going to seminary.

Please pray that I will study hard at GCTS, remembering that my diligence will not only benefit me, but also anyone that I encounter. Also, pray that I will be able to balance my time well because while my studies are a primary focus, it is important for me to remember that God created us for community. There are more requests, but my space is limited.

Once again, thank you for your partnership. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any prayer requests or would like to just catch up. Thanks for listening!
Calvin