Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Reflection

Sorry for the all-over-the-place-ness of this post I began drafting this post two Sundays ago, but did not get a chance to work on it and fully develop my thought. After chapel last Wednesday, I added new insight. Now, one week later my thoughts have reached critical mass. Here, let me show you.

At church, we are in a sermon series about Titus. two weeks ago, our pastor preached about elders. (Titus 1:5-9)

Initially, this might not seem as relevant to the general church population, but I think its clear how important it is to inform God's people on the pre-requisites for leadership, not just for those who would want to be elders, but for everyone. We should be able to hold our leaders to the proper standard. If we don't know what that standard is then we might follow a wolf in sheep's clothing as it were and we've all aware of the effects of that. As if that insight wasn't enough, the sermon spoke to me in an additional way, namely because I am in seminary training to become a pastor, a leader of the church.

The requirements of elders are very high and I won't go into all of them here, but I will point out the ones that really stuck out to me. Titus 1:6 talks about being a husband of one wife (having the spirit of fidelity), having children who believe and not having the charge of debauchery or insubordination. Basically a requirement of elders is having an upright family.
It certainly adds weight onto my shoulders and it feels like a load I will not be able to lift.

Frankly, I do not come from a great family background. I feel my parents did the best they thought they could, but I have many flaws in my view of family and have fear of repeating the mistakes of the past. I worry that if I have children I'll be a poor father and not be a positive presence in their lives. I worry that they won't believe in God and put their faith in Jesus and that will fall to me. I worry that I will be a poor husband neglecting my wife's needs.

This in of itself is a difficult situation, but to compound it, according to this passage it would also mean that I was not fit to be an elder. While this would be a secondary concern to the welfare of my family, it is a close second. I am about to spend the next three years of my life and x amount of dollars for this education because I am called to be a pastor and if how I led my family would disqualify me from that calling, I think I would be rather confused, maybe angry too. What would it mean for my life from there?

That's where last wednesday's chapel comes in.

We heard a message from Psalm 73 and when reading it, v. 26 really stuck out to me in regards to my initial thoughts about my concerns about my leadership. Here's the verse:
v26: my flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Maybe I will fail. Maybe my family will be a major struggle in my life, but in light of this verse I feel more prepared knowing God is my strength and portion despite who I am. It doesn't mean, however, that I will not work on them. I don't think it is an excuse to be lazy, but it does remind me that if I rely on God's strength I will be made strong. Doing that is a whole other story.

Don't you agree?


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